Funny Focus

Here is the start to another topic here on this blog. I often take pics and in going over them afterwards they do not have photographic merit but are snapshots that are funny or can be given funny text to make a funny commentary kind of like some joke picture websites do.

Here is one to start it off and I'll post more as they come. This was a curious thing I saw in another home, they happen to do a fair bit of ballooning so i guess this was the logical solution to this problem. The text is modeled after the famous redneck jokes 'you know your a redneck when…". They are great people and very resourceful.

 

Oh, how the WWW has changed

This is an interesting GIF I came across the other day. Funny but true.

I’ve been busy on some new web projects the past few days and exploring places I’ve never thought I’d get time to do like setting up a small forum site. The web has really changed n the past ten years I’ve been following it. I remember first shopping for a domain name and they were like $35, I just yesterday bought one for $6.20. With the event of PHP and other new developments we can have more interactivity like this site and PHPbb for running forums, the web is truly becoming more instantaneous and interactive. WordPress.org also has a more downloadable version giving the world the opportunity to build this kind of site and more on your own hosting plan, best of all it is free. More and more we too see code being written for this that is open and free for all. Hard working people adding to the better of everyone, a far cry from PC and internet ‘founding fathers’ practices of a decade or two ago milking us dry at the teat for flawed software so they could invest in making a slightly better one.

As a developer I also am glad for the way forums and blog sites expose the everyday ‘Joe” to code and some of the inner running of doing a web page where they can dabble or at least see all the hard work it is that we do to get sites up for them. All that to say I got some things up my sleeves that I’ll post links to once they are done.

Wedding Crashers (2005) comedy

This is a fun movie. I’m not really sure I’d recommend it but now that I’ve seen it I’ll review it and you/your home can decide on getting it or not. At least you’ll have been told. From looking at the acting line-up you can get an idea of what to expect but only an idea, it really is even funnier then that. It explores the life of two long time friends who are in their 30’s and still act like collage kids when it comes to the “wedding season”. They “crash” weddings of any race or religion till they finally meet their match and all their long preserved rules of crashing come crashing down on them.

A rather predictable storyline as these kind of comedies do but you are so busy laughing (or picking yourself off the floor as was the case with the guy sitting next to me) that you hardly care to notice. I found the suggestive gay elements unnecessary to the story but there seems hardy a film these days without one and this one was more bark the bite though you really feel sorry for the dude involved as there really is nothing he can do, but again just pointless. The quote “you reap what you sow” could really be true for these guys as they learn some of life’s simplest lessons the hard way. It is well casted but you get kind of bored seeing the same few guys (or various combinations) always acting like fools all the time.

Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn keep it flowing together and make a funny on-screen pair. Will Ferrow’s character is off the deep end as usual and glad he did not have a bigger part then he did in this film. Not a particularly memorable film but Christopher Walken puts in an interesting performance in a rather subdued but key role. Rachel McAdams shows her star power and hope she can get some better leads and that we’ll see more from her to come.

I imagine it would be good for killing time like traveling on a plane or some time when you got nothing else to do but not something very high on the list to show to bring home. Pure entertainment.    

Making natures #2 safety’s #1

At first glance I thought that this article was going make a good case of yet another reason that we as a society are fat and unhealthy – it doesn’t.
It states that Australian citizens are getting to big to fit the strength of their toilets seats. Sounds funny right? Sounds like finally a good reason to lose weight. But it goes on to explain that the current industry standard in Australia for toilet seats is only 100 pounds (45 kg). How have they let the fashion industry set the standard for toilet seats? Have we all become so “obese” as this article calls it, that if that kind of seat buckles from under us somehow it’s our fault? Very few full grown healthy people are only 100 pounds. Perhaps they got the ones designated for Chinatown or primary schools. If we designed toilet bowls to that same strength they would not be toilets, they’d be vases.

Perhaps they should take a pointer or two from the US, as when it comes to toilet seats, they know how to pick them. I personally know this to be a fact. When I was there I once worked on renovating a bathroom for a lady in Illinois. I had painted and wallpapered and then came the time to shop for accessories, and yes, a new toilet seat. I spent what seemed like many hours with her (armed with wallpaper and paint samples) trying to find just the perfect one to grace our new-improved throne room. The old blue trusty ‘international’ would no longer do. I found out that in choosing a new seat you can’t let yourself get sidetracked by all the colors and patterns there are in Home Depot, not even the shells or matchbax racecars embedded in the clear plastic ones. When it comes to a good seat there really are only two choices aside from the white plastic ‘international’ one the whole rest of the world uses.

First there is ‘go with the grain’ a seat just hewn out of a log with a hole cut out the middle and varnished to a shine  I guess for those who still miss the cold wood outhouse feel but not the splinters. Secondly there is – and now I’ve only ever seen this in America, kind of like raccoons – called ‘gone with the wind’. A foam padded make covered with cheep vinyl that sends a gust of air up your undercarriage if engaged to swiftly. We ended up leaving with a pine green ‘gone with the wind’. Ok, I’ll admit it, I caved in to her, it wound not have been my first choice. The only option in any real guys mind would have been the two solid oak slabs, but after much negotiating and her reminding me that she was paying, I relented. After all that time in there staring at the wall of toilet seats I would have taken anything just to leave that department or keep her from saying “let’s check Menards or Lowe’s”. At lest we could be assured that if at home we were to go to pot, the toilet seat would not. That is more then I can say for the dear Aussies.

I guess that might be one reason Australians are often referred to as the people “downunder”. God knows I’d spend a lot of time picking myself off the bathroom floor too. No wonder so many of them enjoy a swift trek into the outback or “bush” as they call it, braving the crocks and wild beasts. I’m sure it’s for more then just peace of mind… let’s just say… that they do it for their heath.

Introducing: Ads you won’t see stateside

One of the great things about our world is that places, cultures and views differ depending where you are. Living and traveling in Europe I notice some of those differences. For example Bill Clinton’s affair with Monica and Janet’s “wardrobe malfunction” are not thought of here as a big deal and many people don’t understand why American society does. Because of that difference of perception the advertising sector here has more room to add fun ideas on billboards and poster ads in public places to present their products. I’ve been noticing this for awhile but in the last few years that I’ve been into photography and keep my camera with me I’ve snapped some pics that I had on my site but now will be posting here in this new topic. First some old ones and I’ll add more as I run across them. (to see pics and commentary click the side column of this same name)
 

Disclaimer: I am sure that all these companies know exactly what they are doing and the messages they are presenting are sound. I on the other hand rarely do so the commentary is meant with the utmost appreciation for them because if they did not do what they do neither could I. Respect! 

A Redneck Letter

Here is something just for fun. A re-post of something funny I got from someone, not sure where it originally came from. 

Dear Son,

I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won’t be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen ‘em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn’t make the final payment on Grandma’s funderal bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don’t know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn’t get the tail gate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don’t get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Ma

– Author Unknown

Jesus turns the Mac into Windows

Make that Jesus Lopez. News is a computer hacker might very well be on his way to completing his first “miracle” for sainthood. At least to make it into computer heaven and sending many more computer users there at the same time.

This long awaited solution can only stand to benefit both sides of the isle, as to get Windows to run on a Mac you have to own a Mac and to get Windows on it you have to have a copy of Windows. If you got the $300 extra after getting yourself a iMac, why not. For developers and busy people that have had to have both computer formats it will help reduce time and space. Guess the possible losers could be PC makers as if everyone just gets iMacs and Windows software there would not be much need for the conventional 3rd party hardware of a PC or laptop that does not have an “i” at the beginning of the name.

This is just pure speculation on my part but I defiantly don’t see how it would NOT play to Macs favor. Now if it was the other way it would drastically hurt Mac as they rely solely on you buying their OS together with their hardware platform even if (until this year) you had no choice other then AMD chips running them. Now if someone could get Mac OS to run on my PC that would kill Mac as they are so dependant on their hardware/software combo. It would be neat but I don’t really see much need for dual-platform on a Windows system other then for someone to win another award.

Win-on-Mac though I think is an important step that will make people previously leery (at least first-time buyers) about buying a Mac if they can easily still fall back on the more familiar Windows when needed. And really what does Microsoft have to lose? More sells and everyone is happy, at least till everyone gets used to a Mac world.  

Of men and myths

 I just read an article stating that yet another Hollywood actor wants to make a film in a foreign forgotten language. That’s right, Vin Diesel is the latest. Best known as the muscle-bound bald guy who has done a growing collection of films depicting, yes very cocky muscle-bound bald guys usually acting “good guy” criminals (Planet Tame, Fast and Furious, Triple X etc) or military personal being a hero when kids are in harms way (Saving Privet Ryan, The Pacifier). He really stretches the limits of all an actor can be – in the gym.

Apparently he wants to make a movie (according to him, hopefully three) of the life of the warrior Hannibal and his alpine battles against Roman armies. We’ve seen unusual languages appear in films lately with the Passion of the Christ, and even some of the Lord of the Rings spoken in a created language of the elves. The difference with this project and those other great films is two key ingredients, content and talent. Neither of those elements have caught the ski lift to the alpine slops of this film yet.

The Passion detailed the last hours of the greatest Man to walk the earth, His life and death for the sins of the world. The Rings was already one of the world’s best fantasy/fiction novels of all times and the films simply brought it to life on screen. The story of the Carthaginian general Hannibal despite an interesting historical time, admirable relentless persistence and bravery leading the battles of the second Punic war against the mighty Roman empire has neither a life-changing central character or great literary work from which to draw a screenplay.

No worries, Vinnie has already found a solution to that. Namely teach the cast the archaic Alpine (actually more Algerian) language of Punic to reduce the workload of the script writers. It might serve as a “double blessing” by providing more of the films budget to be designated for the action sequences and special effects. I mean how much dialog to you really need for a bunch of muscle-bound bald guys on elephants in the snow anyways. But you’d be a fool to not rush to the cinema to see cool elephant chase maneuvers, high speed avalanches and prehistoric war gadgets, right? He’s betting on it big time. But doing three movies is pushing it by two and a-half times.

Undoubtedly there will be a lady love interest, perhaps a sister or fiancé to his sworn enemy (just to be original) for which he is willing to risk his life for. Why else would a north African trek 17 days on an elephant over the Alps suffering the loss of much of his troops? He has already shown that there is always just the right cheesy line to say to save him from looking like a serious actor and still get the girl to fall for him. This film might prove to be different then his others on account that we will not have to understand his Punic pick-up lines or have to hear teen boys quoting them in infinitum.

This film project might have had a running chance of being an El Cid or Braveheart at least from a historical adaptation standpoint. Given the right director and a solid character actor lead like those aforementioned films, it might have been something to anticipate. It has a heroic character that history has little real record of allowing more room for yet another unique love/revenge/loyalty story to be built around. 
Unfortunately it will most probably end up looking like the more recent Hollywood historical inaccuracies of Troy and Alexander the Great but without the selling points of either Angelina Jolie (for the men) or Brad Pitt’s butt double (for the ladies) and could be three times as long. Hopefully it will not meet the same fate the real Hannibal did of eventual defeat by the Romans, infighting among his own politicos and poor supply lines. Oops, did I just give away the whole storyline? Guess you can still go to see it for the barbarian triple X factor.    

A side-story sidelined

Did you see the news today with the Israeli tanks shelling the Palestinian jail to get 6 wanted prisoners? One side story is an American teacher who was kidnapped during that time as tensions flared and armed man grabbed foreigners as reprisals. He is sympathetic to their cause even despite this ordeal and really gave an earful to the commentator live over the phone to CNN International though no media has yet written about it or really given his point of view other then this general paragraph.

“The professor, Douglas Johnson, who teaches at the Arab-American University near the West Bank city of Jenin, said he remains sympathetic to the Palestinian people. “It won’t change my commitment. I understand what they did. I understand their frustration. They could have easily killed me,” Johnson said.”

If he would be complaining of being mistreated or something the press would be all over it but he was standing holding his ID with masked gunmen with a bemused look on his face not fear like most of the video footage that comes from kidnappings in Iraq. He said in his telephone interview they were too hospitable. He lives and works there and that no doubt played a role in him knowing how to react and relate. I doubt he will get many calls to do interviews or the rounds at sunday talkshows as his side is not the one that usually gets out much.  

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Ode to the Outhouse

 

Out of solidarity for those who still have to use outhouses (see my related story). I’d seen a poem somewhere called “ode to the outhose” and so I did a little web search today to see if it was a known work or something and found that there are many such poems to the “beta toliet 0.5″ by that name. Some just toliet talk and others pros. it seems anyone who decides to pen somthing on that topic calls it by that name. I’ll post one here if anyone is interested there is another here and even an outhouse of america tour page.

Here is one I found that was in good humor and even has a bit of a moral to it – ha. Enjoy!

Ode to the Outhouse – Author Unknown
One of my bygone recollections,
As I recall the days of yore
Is the little house, behind the house,
With the crescent over the door.
‘Twas a place to sit and ponder
With your head bowed down low;
Knowing that you wouldn’t be there,
If you didn’t have to go.

Ours was a three-holer,
With a size for every one.
You left there feeling better,
After your usual job was done.
You had to make these frequent trips
Whether snow, rain, sleet, or fog–
To the little house where you usually
Found the Sears-Roebuck catalog.

Oft times in dead of winter,
The seat was covered with snow.
Twas then with much reluctance,
To the little house you’d go.
With a swish you’d clear the seat,
Bend low, with dreadful fear
You’d blink your eyes and grit your teeth
As you settled on your rear.

I recall the day Granddad,
Who stayed with us one summer,
Made a trip to the shanty
Which proved to be a hummer.
‘Twas the same day my Dad
Finished painting the kitchen green.
He’d just cleaned up the mess he’s made
With rags and gasoline.

He tossed the rags in the shanty hole
And went on his usual way
Not knowing that by doing so
He would eventually rue the day.
Now Granddad had an urgent call,
I never will forget!
This trip he made to the little house
Lingers in my memory yet.

He sat down on the shanty seat,
With both feet on the floor.
Then filled his pipe with tobacco
And struck a match on the outhouse door.
After the Tobacco began to glow,
He slowly raised his rear:
Tossed the flaming match in the open hole,
With not a sign of fear.

The Blast that followed, I am sure
Was heard for miles around;
And there was poor ol’ Granddad
Just sitting on the ground.
The smoldering pipe was still in his mouth,
His suspenders he held tight;
The celebrated three-holer
Was blown clear out of sight.

When we asked him what had happened,
His answer I’ll never forget.
He thought it must be something
That he had recently et!
Next day we had a new one
Which my Dad built with ease.
With a sign on the entrance door
Which read: No Smoking, Please!

Now that’s the end of the story,
With memories of long ago,
Of the little house, behind the house
Where we went cause we had to go!